Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
