i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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