last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
