i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
this must be what syphilis tastes like
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
