Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best friends brother. Beat that.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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