I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I wish you could order shots online.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
