I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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