How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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