just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
