Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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