And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
