Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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