I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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