3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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