uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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