it's too hot outside to masturbate.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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