overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She told me I should be a condom model.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
