Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
