the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
