Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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