and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
