Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
