got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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