my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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