You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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