I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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