there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
