i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
