dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
