If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
