high people should be assigned attendants
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
