Have you finally orgasmed yet?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
