I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize