Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
