i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
