So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
