I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
