that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
