mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
