What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
