1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
