looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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