Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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