Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
