I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
