dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
