I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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