I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
