Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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