your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
