I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
