You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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