I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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