I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
