i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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