I can tuck mytits in my pants
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
