3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
