the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
