my vag is so smooth its legendary
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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