I think I just saw someone hide a body.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
