apparently the secret to your success is patron
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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