Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
