Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
