Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
