You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
