I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
