I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
