it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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