you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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