Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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