Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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