hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize