Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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