that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
