Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
