i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
